The first day of school photos are on social media, being
texted to family members, e-mailed to grandparents, printed for
scrapbooks. Their backpacks are new,
full of freshly sharpened pencils and unused crayons with that old familiar
smell. Their outfits are new, planned
out the night before; there’s a trace of excitement and anxiety in their
smiles; maybe even a little frustration at having to pause and take the annual
first day of school photo.
The first day of school brings hope for the new school year,
whether it’s the kindergartner ready to make new friends, the fourth grader
ready to be a ‘big kid’, the middle schooler headed for a new school building or
the high school senior starting his last year at school and at home…
New adventures, new experiences always bring a certain level
of anxiety (a mixture of fear and of anticipation of the unknown). Along with that anxiety is a bit of
hope, hope that things will go well, hope that the change will be a good one.
The kindergarten hopes they won’t miss their parents too much, the fourth
grader hopes that math won’t be too hard, the middle schooler hopes for a fresh
start and the senior hopes for answers to their future.
There will also be many first day of school photos this year
that will bring a level of sadness, of yearning or regret. A child has died, no more photos chronicling
their milestones. A father or mother has
died and though the photos may be taken, there’s a shadow of sadness, the hope
isn’t as obvious on their first day of school faces. But there is a trace of hope
there too; going back for another school year, beginning the routine and structure
of the school day, time spent with friends, turning the brain’s focus to
abstract thinking and ideas, going back to school helps the grief, the sadness.
Starting a new year seems to happen more in September than
in January for most families. Whether
it’s new to school itself, a new grade level or a new building, the fresh
start, the beginning again, helps us all get back on track. For grieving families, despite the yearning
and touch of sadness, the surge in grief, the new school year brings some sense
that life will and does go on. Though our loved one may be gone from our day to
day lives, the memory of their first day of school, the thought of what they
would have to say as the school bus pulls up or the reminder once again - and
still - of how much they are missed and loved brings them back to us, over and
over again, first painfully, then with a bitter sweetness and then, maybe, with
a warm, loving smile.
Enjoy the new school year, begin again, keep hope in your
hearts.
