Another Riff on Gratitude

We received a very generous donation at Children’s Grief Connection this week - generous enough to fund a family of four to attend Hearts of Hope Family grief camp.  We are very grateful and no doubt so will the grieving family be.  We would like to thank this person but cannot; this was an anonymous donor.

I understand and appreciate anonymity in giving.  I understand being concerned about getting on the ‘donor list’ of a charity and being barraged with future requests for everything from a silent auction item, buying tickets to a fundraiser, or being asked to consider planned giving opportunities.  As a donor to various charities myself I know the amount of requests I get throughout the year and especially at the end of the year.  I too sigh and weigh out whether I can give again or give more.  And as the leader of a charity -  the ‘fundraiser in chief’ -  I understand the need is great.  I know about not having the funds to do all that can be done for our families, and I understand the bottom line too, there’s only so much to go around. 

I can also appreciate the act of giving without expectation of recognition. St. Francis of Assisi taught us: For it is in the giving that we receive.  While I appreciate the humility of giving without expectation I also know the gratitude and desire to express it when I receive someone’s gift, in whatever form that takes.

I was a volunteer first responder for a number of years and often sat with families after a crisis, waiting for news, or having received the worst news possible.  In their glazed over look, still in shock, they always managed to muster up a thank you to the men and women who came to help, even if we weren’t successful.  Many times the first responders would be visibly uncomfortable as the family attempted to show their gratitude, to say thank you to the brave men and women who were doing their best to help their family. Often the first responders would reply with some form of ‘it’s all part of the job’ or ‘that’s why we’re here’ or ‘no problem’ - the only problem was the look on the family’s faces as their show of gratitude was discounted or denied; they needed their gratitude acknowledged. First responders don't volunteer for the gratitude, they give to their community, and in that giving they receive a greater sense of community, a comfort in knowing they have helped someone.  The first responders are also all too aware of the long road of grief ahead for these families, their job is done and the family’s has just begun.  There is an uncomfortableness with gratitude knowing how little they have done compared to what lies ahead for the family to do. Perhaps the best reply to their ‘thank you’ might be a simple ‘You are welcome’. Gratitude given and received, even under the worst of circumstances.

Under the best of circumstances, receiving a gift, a donation of money, of time, of volunteerism, deserves recognition, not only for the sake of the giver, for the sake of the receiver.  So, to our anonymous donor, thank you, so much, for your generosity and your caring for a grieving family with your support of Children’s Grief Connection.