Jason's Camp Experience

If there were a geographical location called “Hearts of Hope Camp”, I would consider it sacred ground. In a similar way that I feel the presence of my creator when I join others in worship, I also feel a very physical presence when I am at camp. Sometimes it feels like Freedom and sometimes it would be better described as Fear. Sometimes I recognize it as Sadness, while other times it feels more like Complete Trust. One thing I know it to be. . . is REAL.

As Camp weekend approaches I get nervous. I begin to think about the kids I will meet, all with their own stories, all in the midst of their grief. I know from previous weekends, that Camp will be an amazing experience for them, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. Will I have the words? Will I recognize their pain? Will I see beyond their mask? Will what I have to offer, be worth the risk to accept it?  I want so much for the kids to experience the healing and hope that Camp can bring, I’m afraid of failing them. I arrive at Camp with some fear.

The campers arrive each with their own style. For some this means ready and willing, for many it means suited in armor.  That armor has a purpose, and that purpose is protection. Many children have learned through the death of a loved one, that getting close to people only leads to pain, and pain is a very personal thing. Being vulnerable with others is a risk, but we know that only when we can share who we really are, can we truly get close with one another.

At Camp we share. We share jokes, we share tears, we share questions and we share our answers. We ride waves of laughter; we walk together through valleys of sorrow. It is amazing how quickly we all connect.  I believe this happens because at Camp, we create a place where it is completely safe to be exactly who we are. One of the foundations of Camp is, “All feelings are OK.” The campers connect as they recognize themselves in each other’s music, in each other’s questions, and in each other’s stories. I’ve heard from so many campers, “It is such a relief to be around other people who have been through what I have, who know just how I feel.”

As I think about Camp, and why it is such a turning point for so many children, I have come to understand that Camp is an amazing place for many reasons. The activities we do are purposeful and research based, the food is excellent, there is a variety of staff that all share the characteristic of having a heart for grieving children and Camp is always held at a place of natural beauty. However, the key ingredient for Camp being such an amazing and healing experience is the bravery of the campers. Their courage to lay down their armor, to tell their story, to let each other in, this is why Camp works.  It is the campers who, through their strength to be weak, create the atmosphere of complete acceptance and compassion.  It is truly awe inspiring to witness how they care for one another.

Will I return to volunteer at Hearts of Hope Camp? Absolutely. Will I have some fear next time I am preparing for Camp? Yes, but that is OK and it’s healthy. What I know I will find as I walk through the doors at the next camp is a bunch of friends ready to accept me exactly where I am. They will welcome me, exactly me, as we all prepare to walk beside the grieving campers we are so privileged to work with.