Healing Hearts

A life was saved...

2011-11-14T12:20:00.000-08:00

By Coral Popowitz, Executive Director of Children's Grief Connection

We know we have a profound impact on grieving children. Our mission is to bring hope and healing to those children and that was more than evident throughout this past weekend as we gathered to greet a small but very traumatized group of children and teens who had their loved one die recently. There were several families struggling with suicide, one with a murder-suicide. There were six children grieving the loss of a brother and friend in a car accident. There were three teen boys coping with the suicide of their classmate and best friend. There were deaths from heart attacks and cancer, mothers, fathers, grandmothers - and there were grieving volunteers, adults who took their time, energy and courage to meet these children at the soft spot in our hearts that hurts most when our loved one dies, the spot where hope and healing starts.

We know it from the messages of hope and healing that were collected in our mascot Hope the bear’s big white basket: “my hope is that nobody else dies in my family” “my hope is to have a good future” “my hope is that Thanksgiving and mom’s birthday will be wonderful” “my hope is to move on in life and stop using my mother’s death as an excuse to not try to be who I truly want to be”.

We know it from the Love and Anger wall with messages of love: “I miss your ‘magic’ kisses” and “you were the best – in the whole world” and messages of pain on the Anger Wall: “WHY? I loved you” “I hate what you did but I love you”. We know it in the candle lighting - in the darkened room, heart shaped candles ablaze - we share memories and say our goodbyes.

As the room lights up with the warm candle glow, we give permission for young and old alike to shed tears, to express pain, laughter, hope and love. Maybe it was the candlelighting, or the sharing circle just before, maybe it was in the questions the doctor and funeral director answered, or in the caring and concern her volunteer counselors provided. Whatever it was, a beautiful ten year old girl who had delighted everyone with her smile and her kindnesses; shared with her counselors how much pain she was in. At her young age she had a plan to end her pain; she laid out in detail how she intended to end her young life because the emotional pain of her loss was too much for her tender heart to bear. With the help of Hearts of Hope she was able to write a letter to her mother about how she felt and what she’d planned. As frightening as this experience was for all of us involved, the hope lies in her being able to reach out and tell someone of her pain, her plan, knowing help was available to her. Because of her being at Hearts of Hope camp she and her mother will now be able to get the help they need in the days and months and years ahead; a life was saved.

At Hearts of Hope camp our anger is left behind, our love remains and our hopes are carried forward. It’s stories like hers that bring us hope…hope that our mission reaches more children and teens who hurt the way she did...

Letter from Taylor

2011-10-01T18:36:00.000-07:00

By Coral Popowitz, Executive Director of Children's Grief Connection

We are very fortunate in that nearly every camp session there is someone who expresses how impactful and amazing their experience with Hearts of Hope was to them. Whether it is mother thanking 'us' for giving her children 'a transformation' or a volunteer who sees her 'calling' in the short 36 hours of camp time or the scribbly, jumbled letters in the words of a five year old who says she wants to 'come back every year' but is concerned whether or not 'somebody I love has to die first'.

No matter who it is or how they express their gratitude and the importance of the work we do; we are always moved to tears, delighted and humbled by how these expressions make our mission come true - we are bringing hope and healing to Minnesota's grieving children. It is what we do; we do it well and we are very proud.

Proud to have children like Taylor Schafbach tell us in her own words (and for the sake of other kids, like her, who may be afraid or uncertain about coming to a grief camp when their world is already full of grief because someone they love has died.) Not knowing what to expect, who will be taking care of them, what they're going to be doing are legitimate concerns; if the death was sudden and it is always unexpected, then the need to know about what's going to happen is an important and pressing concern for grieving children. Taylor recognized that in herself and at the very young age of ten realized that she could help other kids who would be in her spot one day to have an idea of what to expect from Hearts of Hope camp. They say there is grace in grief; there are good things that come out of bad situations; I believe Taylor and her compassion for other grieving kids like her is that grace. We thank her and her family and are honored to share it with you.

View Taylor's letter here.

Meet Them Where They Are

2011-05-13T10:27:00.000-07:00

By Coral Popowitz, Executive Director of Children's Grief Connection

We tell all our new camp volunteers, and remind some of the veterans, not to assume or presume, not to fix or fixate on the campers or teens but just to simply (not easily but simply) ‘meet them where they are.’ Approach them from wherever they are in their developmental growth, their grief process or their emotional journey, - not where we want them to be but to meet them where they are.

I tell camper families that around 75% of our campers and teens don’t want to come to a grief camp, whether they think they’re going to ‘cry all weekend’ or ‘not make any friends’ whether it’s the first time they’ve slept overnight away from home or they would rather not talk about it at all, ever again; they are not ‘happy campers’ when they arrive. I also tell the families that 95% of the campers and teens don’t want to leave on Sunday!

With just 36 short hours between first meeting them and saying goodbye, we are singing silly songs in the gym and then sharing their loved one’s story along with their tears and laughter, we are running from place to place and from activity to activity; mostly we are forming connections, understanding we are all experiencing grief and love for those we have lost.

We tell the campers and teens all feelings are okay. Sometimes they don’t want to share, or cry, or laugh, perhaps they just don’t want to be away from home, away from their family or friends, that’s okay. Sometimes they don’t want to drum or be in a skit; sometimes making a memory project is not what they feel like doing, that’s okay. It’s okay because there is always something, someone, some activity that they do enjoy - if we meet them where they are, accept their feelings and help them work through their fears and concerns; they move forward in their grief, we bring hope and healing.

As helpers we work hard to get all the campers involved and participating in all the activities at camp and are concerned when they are particularly quiet or inattentive, refusing to participate, yearning to leave or anxious about the next thing on the schedule. Most of the time, by camp’s end the transformation is obvious (the 95% who don’t want to leave) and there are those 5% who may not have connected, may not have enjoyed their time…and yet later, a phone call from a family member, a social worker, a teacher will let us know that despite what we may have thought we did make a difference, despite what we thought, despite how it appeared, and because we always meet them where they are and accept their feelings, it all turns out okay, hope and healing does happen for 100% of our campers and teens.

More Fun and Frolic than Frigid - Winter Event a Huge Success

2011-03-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

2011 Polar Plunge and Tuxedos and Tiaras

By Coral Popowitz, Executive Director of Children's Grief Connection

Well, to say a good time was had by all is a bit of an understatement that even these photos can’t fully express. Our first annual (that’s right folks we had so much fun we’re going to do it again next year) Frigid Fun & Frolic was a huge success. But you want to hear the stories behind the story???

The morning of March 5^th started out early when eight hardy Minnesotans showed up in their winter gear, cups of coffee steaming in one hand and various ‘ice’ tools in the other as Steve revved up the 36 inch blade with a magical ice cutting chain on his saw and went to work cutting through the 32 inches on Lake Waconia outside Lola’s Lakehouse. Several hours later, and a mountain of ‘ice cubes’ placed by forklift, water – ice cold water – was rippling as the sun began to shine and the 2011 Polar Plungers began showing up, getting their t-shirts (and courage) on. Promptly at 11am the mighty team of 25 made their way on the ice, but photos first, oh and the plunge was halted temporarily TO SCRAPE THE ICE OFF THE JUST CUT HOLE IN THE WATER!! Once the shards of ice were cleared, one by one, with cheers and applause the plungers made their way into the freezing water, some hesitated, some back-flipped, cannon-balled and even belly flopped. Some wore tiaras (in honor of the day, more on that later) or shorts and t-shirts (tie-dyed of course) or footie pajamas zipped to the neck, there was even a squad of the shirtless, local guys who saw our poster the night before and showed up, made a huge donation and removed one item off their bucket list. (We love those guys)

No matter what they wore or how they went in to the water, EVERYONE was cold, and at the same time, warmed, by the spirit of those who came out and for the reason we were all there on a cold winter morning – to help grieving children. An incredible $16,000+ was raised, far surpassing last year’s incredible goal and enough to fund an entire Hearts of Hope camp and teen retreat! So who’s in for next year???????

With just enough time to warm up and get in a quick nap the day was far from over as the “elegant” part of Frigid Fun and Frolic was about to begin. At Hubert’s in Target Center for the Tuxedos and Tiaras elegant pub crawl, the tuxedo t-shirts were lined up next to the rows and rows of tiaras ready for the ‘frolickers’ to begin. Once tiaras were in place, corsages pinned on, a giant balloon arch awaited a special ‘Prom Photo’ opportunity that no one missed.

Once the crowd had gathered the announcement and crowning of the 2011 Frigid Fun and Frolic King and Queen Tim and Jenny Hoff was met with cheers especially after his royal proclamation to eat, drink and be merry. When the King finished his proclamation request it was time to proceed, parade and promenade down First Avenue to the next royal establishment. O’Donovan’s doors were open for our grand entrance as once again the King proclaimed the establishment royal, the libations ready and the merrymaking continued. Each stop and proclamation brought treasures to anyone lucky enough (these were Irish pubs after all) to have their name drawn (and nearly everyone was lucky) from the King’s treasure chest. The frolicking commenced one more time as the bling-adorned throng made their way to the last stop of the evening, Kieran’s Irish Pub.

Settling in, the King again proclaimed a royal thank you to all who made the night so regal and decreed the Imperial Auction begin. Auctioneers Sal and Steve stepped up to entertain the crowd but not before everyone was reminded once again of why the evening was so important – one phone call – during all the last minute preparing and planning – from a bereaved mom – who’s little boy needed to come to camp –his daddy had died and she needed our help. Thanks to the efforts and participation of the day’s event this mom and her little boy would be getting the help they needed.

After hearing and being reminded of what the evening was all about the auction was amazing, with trips, sports tickets, hotel stays and even a personal song written (our King and Queen won this item and requested the songwriter attend and write the song about Hearts of Hope!). Kieran’s managers donated a one-of-a-kind Guinness mountain bike AND an evening out with a charming Irishmen brought in four times the original ‘value’ ! The evening, the day, turned out to be more fun and frolic than frigid and helped raise over $22,000 to keep Hearts of Hope Camp and Teen Retreat going strong and provided free for all Minnesota’s grieving children. You won’t want to miss out next year.

Life is Precious, Even After Death

2011-03-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

As appeared in the January issue of the MFDA Bulletin.

By Jerry J. Brown, Friend of the Funeral Service community and
a member of the Children's Grief Connection Board of Directors.

In death, the life of one-beloved will never really leave the hearts and minds of those who forever reflect, remember, commune and revisit with tenderness, smiles and tears as the soft and filtered visions ebb and flow.

The sanctity of a life lived in quintessential kindness, elegance and love must be honored and revered in the mode and manner of the life incarnate.

The rites, rituals, traditions and ceremonies embodied in THE FUNERAL have prevailed since the dawn of humankind. Although many forms of funeralization have metamorphosed, returned and morphed again with the relentless “March of the Millennia,” one phenomenon endures and transcends the shock, paralysis and sadness evoked by the death of one beloved. . . simply, to finally say “goodbye” with the love, gratitude and respect commensurate with the life now stilled forever.

Ergo, in the context of a changing profile vis-à-vis, the funeral experience, we now must deal with the emergence of “Home/Do It Yourself Funerals.” These are people who decry the need for licensed, certified college graduates who comprise the legions of Funeral Professionals and maintain that “THEY” – the uninformed and unprepared can “Go Green!” and, with slabs of dry ice, candelabras, boom-box background funeral tunes and post-visitation coffee and cookies, can orchestrate, choreograph and conduct home funerals – sans licensed professionals – with all of the panache, pomp and circumstance of a real funeral (health hazards notwithstanding) and professional licenses be damned.

Personally, I would like to ask these same “green wannabe undertakers” a question or two:

- Would you consider hopping into an airplane if the pilot (driver) had never

flown before and had no FAA license?

- Would you go to a cardiologist who was still “just practicing” and had never been to med school and thought the Hippocrates Oath was a swear word?

- Would you enroll in a series of college courses where the professors had never finished the 6th grade?

Would you go to a plastic surgeon that had never advanced beyond “playdough”?

Would you sign up for golf lessons if the instructor was a SUMU wrestler?

Doubtful!

NOTE: Stay with what you know and get the licensed funeral professional to care for your beloved.

2011 Polar Plunge Videos

2011-03-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.”

2010-04-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

After a challenging year, Hearts of Hope Camp and Teen Retreat finally happened this past weekend. It’s difficult to put into words what an amazing experience everyone had, you have to BE there to fully know the joy, the richness, the transformations in healing that take place. First time volunteer Ann Tunheim expresses it beautifully -

Albert Einstein once said, “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” I’ve heard that quote a few times, most recently from my mom who has it hanging in her office at work.

This Saturday that quote came flowing through my mind, and God revealed to me the truth in that statement. I spent this past weekend at Camp Courage near Clearwater, MN. Nick has been bugging me for years to join him in his mission with Children’s Grief Connection, formerly Camp Amanda. I finally gave in, and after two cancellations this year, I made it to an actual camp this weekend. I have to admit, I was incredibly nervous on what I would say to these kindergarten and first grade students assigned to me as their camp counselor. I had no clue how to counsel grieving children.

Then my first camper, Natalie, arrived. She held my hand the moment her dad left and didn’t stop holding my hand until he came back to get her the following day. To recap the weekend, I went swimming fully clothed (you would think my co-director husband would have informed me that this camp had a pool or just maybe I should have read the packing list), went way out of my comfort zone to talk to family members and children who had loved ones die, trampled through wood-tick, raccoon infested woods (without screaming), managed to get five young girls to sleep, managed to convince those five young girls that my sound machine sounds GREAT, and came to realize just how much I love Gods children.

I had an Aha! moment when I was in the cabin with our group and little Natalie was passing me notes telling me that she wanted to cry, that she missed her mom, and that she loved me. I realized just why God tells us the greatest command is to love him with all of our heart and next in line is to love our neighbor as ourselves. I told God on Saturday that it is in fully serving others with no care about myself that I truly feel alive. I’m not going to lie, that doesn’t happen often. But when it does, I feel freedom like I’ve never felt it before. I feel like I have found my purpose. I encourage all of you reading this blog to go do something this week that is completely selfless. Ask God for direction on what he wants you to do, and listen. You will be blessed!

Grace Under Fire

2010-02-07T16:58:00.000-08:00

Apparently Ernest Hemingway coined the phrase “grace under fire” when he was asked to define ‘guts’ or ‘courage’ by the infamous Dorothy Parker in an interview back in 1929. The phrase accurately describes the weekend at our January session of Hearts of Hope camp and teen retreat.

I am always amazed yet never surprised at the level of commitment and support our volunteers give throughout the year but never more than at an actual camp session. January 2010 will go down in our history as a shining example of “grace under fire.”

The weather forecast on the Thursday prior predicted temperatures above freezing and possible rain throughout the weekend; late Sunday night would bring a drop in temperature and turn to snow. With our October camp being canceled due to an outbreak of the H1N1 flu virus, our volunteers from FDLIC in Abilene, Texas flying in and our highly anticipated Polar Plunge fundraiser scheduled for Sunday afternoon – and yes a little bit of ‘we’re Minnesotans we’re used to this stuff’ I made the decision to go ahead with camp.

It was a gloomy but balmy Friday afternoon drive up to Little Falls for our volunteers. Early in the evening it began to rain, causing volunteers to scurry across the wet parking lot to the conference center for our volunteer training. After a fun, informational evening, anxious for our campers to arrive we went out to our cabins to find …ice – everywhere - covering everything. The temperature had dropped in a few short hours and all the rain turned solid on the road, the walk way, even on the snowdrifts. Volunteers precariously made their way across the parking lot to sleep through a wind-howling night.

By Saturday morning as Mike and Judy Dahl tried to make their way across the parking lot to ready the gym for our opening circle they were turned back – they could not walk upright across the parking lot!

Here’s where the “grace under fire” comes in – as the Lake Beauty facility staff announced the plow trucks were being pulled off the county roads and this was the beginning of three days of winter storm warnings and possible blizzard conditions the volunteer staff were gathered together to determine the cancellation of this camp session for the safety and well-being of our camper families and our staff. A very disappointing but responsible decision now required communication; there were no doubt several families making their way to camp despite the road conditions– most returning from the canceled October session. Volunteers divided up the camper applications and immediately became a ‘call center’ relaying information to and from families. Most families were relieved to hear they could get off the roads, some were within miles of camp; they were invited to continue to the camp facility, join us for lunch and meet the staff. Six families accepted the invitation; ten children got a ‘taste’ of what the April camp session would be like and are anxious to return. Through it all, our volunteers jumped in, packing things up to get our equipment ready to head out before roads got even worse while simultaneously putting things together to make the experience for just those ten campers one they would remember – all the while still deeply disappointed that the weekend was over before it started. A second camp canceled, bad road conditions (or runways) to consider and still they persevered, remaining supportive and upbeat.

And it doesn’t end there…

• Despite the snow blowing everywhere, the long treacherous road home ALL our volunteers stayed after families left and camp was packed up to watch and cheer on the handful of Polar Plungers = “Grace under fire.”

• You’ve lived your entire life in the warmth of the southern Texas sun, you’ve never been anywhere under 45 degrees and you are in northern Minnesota in January in swim trunks plunging into ice cold water = “Grace under fire.”

• You’ve never been to a camp but you’ve made the t-shirts, seen the website and your good friend has just died leaving a young son behind, you can’t get to the Polar Plunge but the $1500 in pledges you’ve gathered the past weeks makes you go to the nearest open water and plunge in anyway = “Grace under fire.”

• Nineteen men and women, 20 year olds and 58 year olds stepped up to the dark hole in the frozen lake and jumped in, on a dare, fueled by pledged donations totaling near $10,000, with the cheers and shouts of their fellow volunteers while a blizzard develops around them = you may say “crazy” - I say: “Grace Under Fire.”

Written by Coral Popowitz, Camp Director.

Our brave plungers who raised over $10,000!

2010-01-23T20:05:00.000-08:00

Coral Popowitz (Camp Director) & Colby Whitmore

Katie Petschke

Sue Peterson

Mike Davies

Pat Baxter & Colby Whitmore (again)

Rex Johnson, Steve Popowitz, Nick Tunheim, Steve Popowitz (again), Colby Whitmore (again), Kathy Jacobs, Kevin Combest, Mike Davies, Rex Johnson (again), Roxanne Storms & Brian Alnes (Lake Beauty Bible Camp ED)

Colby Whitmore (again) & Steve Popowitz (again)

Jason Bexell with Chickenmoose prints all of our camp shirts. He planned on
attending our first annual Polar Plunge, however, with the weather he
didn't make the trip. Raising over $1400, Jason was determined to make
good on his word!!

January Camp...Cancelled

2010-01-23T18:39:00.001-08:00

Although it was a difficult decision, it became very apparent that in-order to ensure the safety of our campers, camper’s families and volunteers we needed to cancel Hearts of Hope Camp and Teen Retreat.

The weather was treacherous from the 1/2 inch of rain that fell Friday evening to Saturday morning and more still coming making traveling less than desirable. Two of Lake Beauty’s staff, who drive to the facility multiple times a week, ended up in the ditch on their way into work this morning. The forecast was telling us that we could expect another 2-5 inches of snow on top of the 1/2 inch of rain we had already received. Along with freezing temperatures, it was a recipe for disaster having families and volunteers on the road on Sunday.

We are so thankful for our dedicated volunteers who were there and ready to serve in any way possible and for supporting the difficult decision of canceling camp. Our hearts are heavy for the children who did not get to experience camp, but we are happy they are home safe and sound. All campers will be invited to our April camp which will be held on April 17-18th near Maple Lake.

The good news is, we still did the first annual Polar Plunge event and raised well over $7500 to-date, with expectations of reaching $10,000 when all the donations are received. Each and every FDLIC Texan (with the exception of the two pilots who had to leave for the airport to prepare for their flight back), took the plunge, some of them more than once, it was quite an event! Photos coming soon!!

Polar Plunge Fundraising Event

2009-12-17T13:31:00.000-08:00

Take the plunge yourself, or make a pledge for the brave souls who do, either way you will be supporting grieving children and families.

The 2010 Polar Plunge will take place during our January camp on Sunday, January 24th at 2:00 p.m.

Click here to make a pledge for the brave souls who take the plunge! If you would like your pledge to go to a specific person plunging, you can find their pledge page by clicking the appropriate link under the red "Fundraise" button in the lower right on the page that's linked above.

If you are interested in taking the plunge, please contact us and we will set you up with your very own Polar Plunge pledge page.

GiveMN.org

2009-11-17T11:13:00.000-08:00

Today's THE day. If you ever considered donating to a children's charity today's the day to give to the max. GiveMN.org will match your donation to Children's Grief Connection. We need your help today. Give to the Max -no matter how much, $10, $25 or $100 you'll be helping Minnesota's grieving children. Thanks for considering us.

Totally Awesome 80's Party

2009-10-23T18:09:00.000-07:00

Head to NBA City on November 12, 2009 at 5:00 p.m. for the Totally Awesome 80's Party - a fundraiser benefiting Children's Grief Connection. The evening will be filled with great 80's tunes, video games and a fun game night of totally tubular games and big prizes.

Teams of 4 players and a coach can enter to play wicked games like Battleship, Operation, Trouble, Twister and Rock 'em, Socked 'em to name a few. The team who wins the most rounds of retro games will win an amazing grand prize packet that includes a suite at a Target Center concert or Timberwolves game. Cost is $20.00 per player and includes a packet full of incredible give-always and gifts.

Dress to impress in your jellies, zubaz and big hair! We're going to relive the 80's and raise money to bring hope to grieving children!

Camp Postponed

2009-10-01T08:16:00.001-07:00

We have decided to postpone our October camp session due to a large number of campers being diagnosed with H1N1 influenza the week prior to camp.

This was a difficult decision as we are dedicated to providing positive camping experiences for our campers and their families. Our first concern however is the health and safety of our campers. We have invited all those scheduled for the October session to attend our January 23-24 camp session in Little Falls, MN.

2nd Annual Draw Your Heart Out - Cancelled

2009-08-30T20:13:00.001-07:00

We are sorry to announce this, however, the organizers of the event are going to postpone this event until sometime this winter. Things just weren’t working out as planned. The event will be planed for sometime this winter. Thank you for understanding and we are very sorry for any inconveniences this may have caused.

???? HOW CAN WE HELP YOU ????

2009-08-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

By Coral Popowitz, Executive Director – Children’s Grief Connection

Whenever we answer the phone at Children’s Grief Connection we say, as so many ‘helpful’ organizations and companies do, “Children’s Grief Connection – How can I help you?” And you may have heard me say recently in these articles and in speaking with folks about our ‘new’ organization, that I envision Children’s Grief Connection as the leading resource in Minnesota for grieving children. So what does this all mean? What kind of resource? What kind(s) of help are we talking about?

To address that I’d like to introduce you to the staff at Children’s Grief Connection, tell you what we do, and how we can help – when you call, when you e-mail, when you’re talking with families or community organizations.

Jill Richards is our Office Manager and the coordinator of the Memorial Program. As office manager, Jill answers the phones and listens to requests, sometimes listening to grieving moms, dads, or grandparents’ stories of what happened in their life, how it’s affecting their children and wondering how/if we can help. Jill’s gentle voice relays information about Hearts of Hope Camp and Teen Retreat or the Family Grief Connection program and assures them their families will find some hope and healing from our programs. Jill is the primary contact for funeral directors involved or interested in the Memorial Program. If Memorial Program participants need help tracking their accounts, need a Hearts of Hope display, brochures or memorial donation envelopes for their funeral homes Jill is there to help. She helps funeral directors navigate the easy five-step process of the program - sending out letters to families served, telling them of the donation made in their loved ones memory from their funeral director and letting them know Hearts of Hope is available to children and teens in their family. Jill also does all of our organizational accounting work so she can help track any donations, receivables or payables. Jill works fifteen hours a week and is generally in the office on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Her e-mail address is: jill@childrensgriefconnection.com.

Our newest employee, Stephanie Lee, better known as Sal, is our Development Associate. Sal will be working specifically with our individual donors, writing small grants and promoting Children’s Grief Connection through special events. Sal will be working on our Change for A Camper campaign throughout the year (more info to come on this) and at least two very exciting awareness and fundraising events coming this fall (stay tuned). With over 26 years in the wholesale and retail gift business, Sal has acquired a depth of experience in developing and implementing a variety of projects both large and small. From extensive experience coordinating large events to designing our shadow box funeral home displays Sal can help in promoting Children’s Grief Connection. Sal will soon launch the Change campaign, organize the upcoming fundraising events and is always looking for potential granting sources if your community or company has a charitable foundation. Any questions you have on ways to support our organization she can help. If you are interested in helping Children’s Grief Connection attain the funds needed to continue to provide ALL our programs and services FREE OF CHARGE to grieving children and their families, Sal’s the person to contact. She will be working ten hours a week; will be at all organizational fundraising events and in the office generally on Mondays and Wednesdays. Her e-mail address is: sal@childrensgriefconnection.com.

As Executive Director, one important area of focus for me is furthering the awareness of Children’s Grief Connection. Spreading the word, informing, presenting what we do, the programs and services we provide and who and how they benefit families and children is an honor and one of the best parts of my job. If you want people to know more about any aspect of our organization, I can help. Another equally important focus is sustaining the organization. That means, among other things, raising funds, keeping the organization on budget with a healthy cash flow and reserve fund. If you have any questions on our financial situation or support, I can help. I would add that sustaining the organization also includes a vision and plan for growth and continued thriving. This is an area that is particularly exciting and I can help articulate those strategies to assure our programs and services will be around for years and decades to come because we provide a necessary and important role in the grief process for children. As the administrator of the organization, I can help with all the things both Jill and Sal do if they’re not available. As a grief professional, my education, training and experience in counseling and in teaching about grief, specifically children’s grief allows me to help with any aspect or question about the grieving process and in particular how it affects children still developing – cognitively and emotionally. I am currently receiving training for national certification as a children’s trauma specialist. This will help me help you, help the children and families you serve who have had a particularly traumatic death occur – I would argue that any time a child has a sibling or parent/primary caregiver die, it traumatizes them. This will also help as Children’s Grief Connection grows our Community Grief Connection program reaching out to schools, day care centers and other children’s organizations to train, program or generally assist following a traumatic grief event. If your community of children experiences traumatic death(s), through Community Grief Connections I can help facilitate the grief needs of those involved in the months or years after the crisis has passed. This program was initiated when funeral directors, called for help in their community after the tragic death of four students in a school bus accident. We were able to provide a “Journey of Hope” day for the school and community on the anniversary of the tragedy as well as on-going grief resources in their area. Continuing to collect children’s grief resources throughout the state and collaborating with other similar organizations is how we are helping lead the way in bringing hope and healing to Minnesota’s grieving children. By far the most rewarding aspect of my work as Executive Director is when I slip on my jeans and sneakers awaiting the cheers of welcome, the hugs and tears, the laugher and silly songs at one of our three Hearts of Hope camp and teen retreat weekends, working alongside rock-star volunteers to help extremely grateful families through the most difficult times in their lives. That is why I can and will help you. All staff at Children’s Grief Connection are part-time; however, I am in the office Monday through Friday and will return any correspondence within 48 hours. My e-mail address is: coral@childrensgriefconnection.com.

These are but a few ways we at Children’s Grief Connection can help funeral service providers, school staff, community organizations, counselors and families with grieving children. You can reach us by phone at 218-372-8420 or 877-226-7632, by e-mail at info@childrensgriefconnection.com or through our website at www.childrensgriefconnection.com. We are here to help you.

Draw Your Heart Out!

2009-07-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

It is time to SAVE THE DATE for the 2nd Annual Hearts of Hope Camp Fundraiser "Draw Your Heart Out!"

Draw your Heart Out which can be closely tied to the hit game show "Win, Lose, or Draw," will put teams of 4 against each other as they race against the clock to figure out images drawn by their teammates. A round-robin style tournament will be used to determine the winning team.

The entry fee is $40 a team which equals out to $10 per person. Teams are also encouraged to raise money from other friends & family members for camp. The team that raises the most money will be awarded a prize after the event.

Location: The Mermaid, 2200 Highway 10, Mounds View, MN

When: Sunday, September 20, 1:00 PM

Click here for more information.

Sleve's Seven Year Success

2009-07-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

On a balmy Friday afternoon in June golfers of all ages gathered together at Little Crow Country Club in Spicer, Minnesota to remember three great men, Steve and Dick Johnson and Bob Staples, all to benefit Minnesota's grieving children.

I had the honor of teaming up with the 'winning' (smiles anyway) team of Art and Marlene Dingmann, Jerry Brown and Jack Rehkamp (who's still got it even after three years off the greens). On the first swing of my second time ever playing golf (excluding a few rounds of mini with my kids) I got a hole-in-one, thanks to the "Heart Strands" 20 foot extension we got at registration. It was all downhill from there for me (too many years of a softball swing)but the team pulled it off anyway. We didn't win but weren't in last place either. Another gracious thanks to my patient foursome.

Following the golf was a cruise around the crowded silent auction with more items than ever before to bid on, a delicious dinner and door prizes to boot. As the sun started to set and folks began to gather by the fountain for the memorial tributes, a better day could not have been spent...except maybe for the day we learned the Sleve and Robert Staples Memorial Golf Tournament raised over $5,000!

Over the past seven years the Sleve has raised more than $17,000 to bring hope and healing to Minnesota's grieving children. To all who have planned and organized, golfed and bid, sponsored a hole or donated an item for the auction - a genuine and heartfelt THANK YOU.

Coral Popowitz

7th Annual Sleve Open Golf Tournament

2009-05-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the 7th Annual Sleve Open Golf Tournament

A Celebration of the Life of Steve Johnson.

This year’s event will be held on:

Friday, June 12th *(please note the date change) at the Little Crow Country Club located on Highway 23 between New London and Spicer.

The tournament is a four person scramble and interested players can sign up as a team or individually. Cost for the tournament is $80.00 for non-members, $60.00 for LCCC members and NEW this year: 18 Hole Junior rate (anyone entering grades 9-12) $40.00. The 9-hole kid’s tourney continues to be a big hit and is a bargain at $25.00. Those wishing to attend only the dinner and Memorial Fountain gathering can purchase tickets at $15.00 each.

New option for Donating! This year we will also be offering Hole Sponsorships:

• Blue Sponsor $400 – Includes 4 golf packages (value of $320), hole sponsorship with hole sign

• Silver Sponsor $250 – Includes 2 golf packages (value of $160), hole sponsorship with hole sign

• Hole Sponsor $100 – Includes hole sponsorship with hole sign

This year the Sleve Open will continue to support Hearts of Hope Camp (formally known as Camp Amanda-Minnesota), a free camp for children and teens who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling, close relative or significant person in their life. Please see our web site for more information, www.childrensgriefconnection.com.

To sign up, please complete and return the Registration/Donation Form found on our homepage. Registration will be accepted until the day of the event; however your response by June 9th is appreciated. Donations can be mailed in advance if you are unable to attend. All donations are tax deductible.

The Sleve Open is not an invitation only event – we appreciate your help in spreading the word. Please feel free to call or email if you have any questions regarding the event.

Event Schedule – Friday, June 12, 2009

Noon: Tournament Registration
1:00 PM: Golf Begins
3:00 PM: Kids Award Ceremony & Lunch
6:00 PM: Meal and Silent Auction
7:30 PM: Memorial Fountain Gathering

Grief Shared is Grief Diminished

2009-05-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

by Jerry Brown

The Children’s Grief Connection (formerly Camp Amanda) was born in the Fall of 2000 and the first Camp Amanda Grief Resolution Gathering was held at Camp Friendship in Annandale, Minnesota in January 2003.

I was fortunate to attend the first camp…rode horseback with Art Dingmann into Camp Courage as part of our 2007 Horseback for Hope Odyssey…and was drafted for “KITCHEN K-P (pots and pans) during last month’s conclave.

The eloquent and comprehensive prose of Coral Popowitz apprises us monthly of the plans, programs, visions and activities of the children’s program so my comments will simply describe what I have seen, heard, experienced and absorbed since camp #1.

THE KIDS:

From the innocence, love, honesty and unbridled candor of the children came a rush of emotions within me that belied the myth, “grown men should never cry.”

Yes, I cried.

I cried when seven year old Matthew showed me his photo wallet that was replete with snapshots of his dad whom had died in a construction accident two months earlier.

When the adorable Matthew learned of my Montana buffalo ranch he spent the next three hours telling his newly-found friends that “he was moving to Jerry Brown’s ‘farm’ to ride horses like he and his dad had done the week before he was killed.”

On the last day of camp, Matthew gave me one of the pictures in his ‘dad-wallet.’

I cried when I overheard two 8 year old girls sharing their feelings about how breast cancer had caused the death of their mothers and why couldn’t doctors find a cure?”

I cried when a young girl wrote on ‘the anger wall,’ “Mommy, why didn’t you quit smoking like you promised us?”

I cried when a 9 year old boy, between gut-wrenching sobs and barely audible words, revealed that his little brother had drowned in the Snake River while the family was vacationing in Wyoming.

And I wept when a brother and sister asked a counselor, “Why God had allowed their mother to die and make them feel so sad?”

THE KIDS AND THE WONDERFUL STAFF AND VOLUNTEERS:

I cried and silently cheered as I watched the bittersweet events of each gathering unfold and I shall always believe that CAMP AMANDA (a.k.a. HEARTS OF HOPE) is the quintessential achievement of Minnesota Funeral Service

A thousand accolades and 10,000 thanks to Coral, Steve, the staff, the directors, the volunteers, our omnipresent photographer KEN PETERSON and above all…to the parents and young people who have discovered HOPE and HEALING through the shining epiphanies of each journey.

So, emanating from the essence and eloquence of the verse – GOD GAVE US MEMORY SO WE WOULD HAVE ROSES IN DECEMBER – may the memories of each and every child be tender, loving and filled with happiness and hope.

Ergo, let us never forget that “grief shared is indeed grief diminished” and upon this moving and resonant truism, the CHILDRENS GRIEF CONNECTION was born and lives as a gift from those who truly care…or, as the kids would say, “GOOD GRIEF, CHARLIE BROWN!”

October Camp Amanda

2008-11-19T07:34:00.001-08:00

The beautiful fall colors and blue skies of October have turned to grey in November and white snow lightly covers the ground. Yet all any of us who were there, in October, on those balmy afternoons, need do is look at the photos Ken and Cliff captured and placed on a DVD and we're back.

Back to the Climbing Wall, with Alison's big smile full of braces and confidence as she reached the top, or Gavin, on the basketball court with a half dozen bright orange dodgeballs overflowing his body as he challenges his cabin group to a game.

We go back to see Katelyn lose her front tooth and Nikki hugging the Panda Bear she wouldn't go near when she first arrived. There's Sawyer, wheeling himself around camp handing out cheeseballs from the huge barrel riding along on his lap.

And the candle lighting....everyone there knows how special that night was...

The music carries us through as the balloons are released and Amanda the Panda waves a final goodbye - it's all there - it's takes us back - the memories we made at the October session of Camp Amanda will carry us through the cold months ahead, the holidays, the long days at school and work.

We all changed a little.

Suicide - Hope and Healing

2008-08-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

Suicide. Seven little letters that loom so large and so overwhelming when the person you loved has 'committed' suicide. Even the word 'committed' that preceeds it, gives suicide the feeling its criminal. At one point in our history it was considered a crime, some faiths still believe it is a crime against God. Many survivors believe, as this camper does, that the pain is forever.

At Camp Amanda we have seen more and more families impacted by suicide over the last year. Our belief is that suicide is not a crime that is 'committed' but rather suicide is completed, perhaps after several attempts. Suicide is not a choice; it is precipitated by an illness, sometimes diagnosed, sometimes not, but an illness just the same. Suicide occurs when the brain chemistry is altered so significantly that the person doesn't feel they have a choice but to end their misery, and possibly believe they are also ending their loved one's misery.

According to the Executive Director of Suicide Awareness Voices in Education (SAVE) Dan Riedenberg, suicide is rising consistently each year and it continues to hold families in confusion, in chaos and in the grip of stigma and isolation.

The big 'why?' question looms even greater than usual when the death is due to suicide. Sometimes we know - years of struggling with a mental illness bring our loved ones to a point where leaving outweighs living. Sometimes we have no idea, no clues or hints, or we didn't recognize them as that but somehow believe we 'should' have known. And if we know why we wonder why they chose to use a gun, or pills, or a rope. Confusion compounded.

There is always a level of chaos after the death of a loved one. The chaos that suicide causes in individuals, the family and the community circles round and round until it feels as if there is a vortex that sucks all the life out of individuals, families and communities, literally and figuratively. Individuals wonder: if they didn't want to live with me maybe I should be dead too. Family members wonder: who will be next? Communities wonder: will there be 'copycats'? Chaos continued.

In the last week I've spoken to three families about the suicides in their lives, the confusion, the chaos. A grandmother of three young children who's father, her son, after suffering for years with depression leaves behind children who don't understand. "How do we tell them? What do we say?" The desire to protect them from the confusion and chaos is more intense. Yet if they aren't told, in words they understand, children under the age of 10 or 11 will 'magically' think up their own explanations, reasons or words for what has happened. By overhearing adult conversations, watching adult reactions and their own intuition they will draw conclusions with limited understanding and information that quite often is far worse or wrong. With the abstract thinking skills of children over the age of 10 or 11 they process much more and if they don't have an opportunity to speak frankly about what happened and the 'what ifs' that this new way of processing brings them they will seek information from peers, the Internet or the world; information that quite often is far worse or wrong.

I spoke with an aunt who struggles to help her barely adolescent neice through the suicide of her older brother, the boy she idolized who hung himself in the room next to hers. She's acting out, acting like she's twenty-something, acting like she's in control of her life...and death. "How do I make my grieving brother and his wife see how my neice is spiraling out of control? How do I tell them she's talked about suicide on her MySpace page? How do I get her to see she needs help?" The isolation and stigma suicide causes in surviving adolescents can be overwhelming. Thoughts of suicide, of joining the one they love, of being idolized in death more than in life, combine to confuse and create more chaos.

And just today, a young wife, who survived her husband's two previous deployments to Iraq, survived his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms of nightmares, impulsive behaviors and threats but isn't sure she will survive his suicide. "How could he do this? How could he survive Iraq and not want to live? How can I be proud of his service and ashamed of him at the same time? How can I stop feeling like I want to die too?" PTSD-related suicides of servicemen and women from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are higher than in any other war fought in history. Researchers are studying this phenomenon and will have some results soon. In the meantime families are in deep pain and suffering. Finding others who are asking the same questions, feeling the same feelings and struggling with the same pain can ease the confusion and chaos. In finding a community of others - who have 'been there' - and can offer solutions, suggestions or support, it takes the weight of those heavy questions and lightens them, takes the veil of secrecy and stigma off to reveal some light, some hope in what can feel like a hope-less situation.

Bringing hope and healing is our mission. This is sometimes misunderstood. We cannot and do not heal or cure or fix grief. We do not answer the why or even most of the how questions of confusion and chaos that surround those who grieve the death of a loved one, by suicide or cancer or accident or old age. In gathering together with others who have experienced the death of a loved one we find we are not alone, there is hope. In lighting candles or making scrapbooks, sharing our memories of love with others we find love never dies, there is hope. And it is the hope that brings the healing. Hope is defined as "to cherish a desire with anticipation", to hold dear the longing to look forward. And healing is defined as 'making whole or sound' or 'overcoming an undesirable condition'. Hope brings us to look forward toward a day or a time when we will be whole again or overcome our grief OR it will give us the desire to get through our days in anticipation of what is yet to come - either way we move through. Through the confusion and chaos, the grief and all its reactions in our bodies, our emotions, our spirits, families, communities even our world.

If you have been affected by suicide, as nearly 87% of Americans have, know that there is hope and there is even healing. Organizations like ours, SAVE and many hospitals offer programs, resources, support and counsel - yours for the asking. Reach out...hope and healing are possible.

Amazing Women - Stars of Love

2008-08-07T06:20:00.002-07:00

I've just spent the last week with some pretty amazing women.

On Monday and Tuesday our incredible volunteers Judy (who's been at EVERY camp in the past 6 years) and Jenny (who's missed only two and made up for it by filling in as camp director - at the very last minute!) got together with Jill, our office administrator and went through every detail of our camp program for a procedure manual. I know!!! Ho, hum, boring right??? Yes, but these ladies (and the incredible view off the Hoff's cabin deck) made it fun, exciting and productive. With the help of yet another volunteer we will have a complete camp program procedure manual that will guide all and any of us - just in case someone should have to fill in at the last moment. Near the end of our working retreat, the sun, the water, the food and friendship combined to get the creative juices flowing and we developed an awareness and fundraising campaign for our Operation Gold Star camp coming up in November.

Operation Gold Star is for families of servicemen and women who have died as a result of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. This family camp, held on November 8 & 9, 2008 will bring those most profoundly effected by the war together in support and community, to work on their on-going grief, develop friendships, discover resources and get a chance to relax and renew in a safe, hopeful and nonpolitical environment.

On of the most powerful activities we do at camp is our candle lighting ceremony where we share stories of love, we laugh and cry as we light up the room with the warmth of our memories. At Operation Gold Star family members will have a gold star candle - a Star of Love - to light and bring home with them to remember their loved one at special times and to remember the special times and people at Operation Gold Star.

To get the word out to Gold Star families about Operation Gold Star and to others who want to support these families we are going to "Light Up Operation Gold Star". By clicking on the Operation Gold Star website at http://www.goldstargrief.org/ anyone can purchase a candle for a camper and dedicate it in honor or in memory of someone they love or someone who is serving or has served in the armed forces. We will add the name to our Stars of Love Wall on the website. The suggested minimum donation is $10.00 and all proceeds will go to help support Operation Gold Star and the work of the Minnesota Foundation for Children so we can continue to offer our programs FREE of charge to Minnesota's grieving children and families.

See what I mean...these ladies were amazing!!! No doubt they're the first in line to buy a Star of Love too. Right after that I had the honor of speaking with the Blue Star Mothers St. Paul Chapter. That says amazing women right there. Blue Star Mothers have sons and daughters currently serving in the military...many of them in Iraq or Afghanistan. These ladies do some incredible work on behalf of and for their sons and daughters and everyones. I spoke with them about Operation Gold Star and our Stars of Love. They were so welcoming and appreciative it was tough to leave. As I was packing up my presentation a woman came up to me and handed me a large bill and said, "Here, these are for the Stars of Love...anonymously" Just like that. Amazing.

This weekend, on Saturday August 9th beginning at 10am Brenda, a Blue Star Mom is hosting a fundraiser for Operation Gold Star at the Minneapolis Gun Club. Her and her husband 'found' us on the web while looking for benefactors of their 2nd annual "Support the Troops" event. C'mon out and do some shooting, see some military equipment, meet soldiers and vets; there's a silent auction and door prizes, not to mention a rifle raffle.

Thank you Brenda, Blue Star Moms and all the amazing women of my week.